When life gets in the way of kindness.

Sometimes our own lives get in the way of us making time to extend kindness to others. Life doesn't always go our way: Things may break, our health may fail, our career doesn't always stay on track, we may struggle financially, we may fall out with a friend or may tragically lose a loved one. It's easy to feel like our problems are the worst in the world. We may want the world to just 'leave us alone' or conversely 'come to our aid'.

Sometimes we bottle up our emotions and communicate with negative actions that impact others ...and ourselves! We may be snappy with our loved ones, yet be terrified that they won't always be by our side. We may be angry with our parents, when really we're afraid of losing them. It may only take a whisper or a jibe to get us fired up and ready to hurt someone, when what we really need is their understanding...and they need ours.

Sometimes it takes life to 'explode' for you to step back and reassess honestly how we can best look after ourselves and others.

On Friday, following over half my life helping others with needs greater than my own, I was forced to re-evaluate and put my own needs first due to my illness and disability. I've never really done this and in fact, I'm not quite sure if I know how. (Maybe that's my problem). Consequently, I feel lost and lonely with a sense of lost purpose. Today, I was sitting feeling melancholy and, to be honest, a little sorry for myself, with my shaking body and two twisted legs. I looked up from my despair and to my right, looking straight at me with sympathetic, lonely eyes was a man. It was cold and wet outside today and he was wearing a torn, battered jacket that looked as old as he did. I was wearing a toasty fur coat. My legs spasmed in pain as I took in the sight of this beaten-looking man. Then it struck me; he only had 1 leg-and here was me mentally complaining about being able to feel mine! He was alone, nursing a single cup of coffee. He was turning the cup in his hands and it was starting to look as dog-earred as his jacket.

Pensively, I approached this man. I softly said, "I hope you don't think I'm being rude but would you like another coffee?" He graciously accepted, so I hobbled over to buy one for him.  As he glugged gratefully at the hot brown liquid, I went to leave him in peace. He beckoned me to join him so I accepted.

He began telling me his story. Seven years ago he was living happily with family in Wales but moved to Kent alone for work. He told me he lost his toes a few ago and over the course of the following years, he had infections that resulted in more of his leg being amputated. He explained that he had a false leg so could still walk. On day one in hospital following being fitted with a false leg he was asked to test his new leg and walk holding on to the walking bars. He did it on his first attempt, then turned around and walked back again. His physiotherapist stared open-mouthed and told him to stop and rest, but he turned around and walked back again, this time without holding on to the walking bars. His physiotherapist had never seen anything like it in her whole career! I was blown away by his bravery and tenacity. Most people would have given up at having their toes amputated.  He carried on working. More people would have given up following the infections and subsequent limb loss. He kept going. More people still would have given up when the remaining stump got so ulcerated and infected that the false leg became worthless. Yet despite all this, do you know what he said to me? "I'm happy"!

I was close to tears by this point. However bad you think your personal circumstances are, it's true what they say that, 'there is always someone worse off than you'. However, it's also true that your perspective of a situation greatly impacts whether or not you feel happy with your circumstances.

'The road to positivity is strewn with the abandoned vehicles of the faint-hearted'. Peter McWilliams.

In opening my eyes to everyone around me and looking out instead of looking in, I learned a valuable lesson. By extending kindness and compassion to someone who needed it, I got the same in return and a whole lot more. I was listened to, I was no longer lonely and above all, I was inspired.

However hard your personal struggle, be it a bad day, week, month or year, you have the power to decide that you can still make yours a GOOD life.

"If you want others to be happy practice compassion. If you want to be happy practice compassion." Dalai Lama

Xxx

A wonderful reminder of how kindness is so crucial

This is a story from a cab driver:




I arrived at the address and honked the horn.


After waiting a few minutes I walked to the door and knocked.


'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice.


I could hear something being dragged across the floor..




After a long pause, the door opened.


A small woman in her 90's stood before me..


She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it,


Like somebody out of a 1940's movie.





By her side was a small nylon suitcase.


The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years.


All the furniture was covered with sheets.





There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters.


In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.




'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said.


I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.




She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb..

 She kept thanking me for my kindness.


'It's nothing', I told her..


'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'.


'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said.


When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked,


'Could you drive through downtown?'


'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly..



'Oh, I don't mind,' she said.


'I'm in no hurry.


I'm on my way to a hospice'.



I looked in the rear-view mirror.


Her eyes were glistening.


'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice..


'The doctor says I don't have very long.


'I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.


'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.


For the next two hours, we drove through the city.


She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.



We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived


When they were newlyweds.


She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once


Been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.






Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner


And would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing..


As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said,


'I'm tired. Let's go now'.
 

We drove in silence to the address she had given me.


It was a low building, like a small convalescent home,


With a driveway that passed under a portico.

 Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up..


They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.


They must have been expecting her.


I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door.


The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.


'How much do I owe you?'


She asked, reaching into her purse.



'Nothing,' I said


'You have to make a living,' she answered.



'There are other passengers,' I responded.


Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.


She held onto me tightly.




'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said.


'Thank you.'


I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.


Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.



I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift.


I drove aimlessly lost in thought.


For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.


What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,


Or one who was impatient to end his shift?


What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once,


then driven away?






On a quick review,


I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.



We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.


But great moments often catch us unaware - beautifully


wrapped in what others may consider a small one.




PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY


WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID


~BUT~


THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER


HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.





You won't get any big surprise


in 10 days if you pass this story on to ten people.

But, you might help make the world a little kinder


and more compassionate by sending it on and


reminding us that often it is the random acts of


kindness that most benefit all of us.

Save The Limes

I'm currently volunteering to Save The Limes Care Centre in Dartford and invite you to get involved.

LISTEN LIVE TO KMFM TODAY AND TOMORROW FOR COVERAGE ON THE PROPOSED CLOSURE OF THE LIMES CARE CENTRE. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN ONLINE.

The Limes Care Centre is a much needed part of the community. It cares for elderly members of the community through it's day centre and enablement facilities. It'ss a care centre to enable older people regain their health and confidence and the opportunity to assess their needs ready for them to return to their own home or to make aware their needs to move to a care or nursing home for their own safety and dignity.

The Limes Day Centre provides a lovely community spirit, cooked hot meal, 5 days a week, entertainment and a social life and may be the Service Users only opportunity to get out of their home. It is also helps their carers to have a few hours of respite.

Just 2 years ago KCC visited us congratulating us on receiving 3 star excellent rating from the Care Quality Commission, but now they say the beds cost too much and as we are not making a profit for them they don't care about shutting us down. We don't agree that profit must be more important than people. Our service users are not just numbers, they are real people with real issues, real lives and real views.

Often, if elderly service users had gone straight home they would be returning into hospital quickly, as they either fall again or was not medically fit to be discharged in the 1st place. If The Limes closes down elderly people will get stuck in hospital bed blocking. If they are not assessed properly they get sent home inappropriately only to be returned to Darent Valley A&E which will cause more work for NHS staff & stress for the elderly patients and their families.  

If The Limes closes as Kent County Council wish then these elderly people will have literally nowhere to go. Again these are not just numbers, it could be your mum, your brother, your aunt, your neighbour or your friend who needs our service. Many people don't even know we exist and if we don't spread the word it won't exist any longer. This would mean that when you really need us, The Limes won't be here to help you anymore.

Act of Kindness Received!

I was delighted to open the pages of Spirit and Destiny magazine last week to discover a mention of this blog! It made my day to see my hard work appreciated! So if you followed the mention and landed on my blog, welcome to the kindness zone!

I'd really like to get you all commiting to acts of kindness yourselves and passing on those that you receive to others. If you see someone struggling in the street, don't leave it to someone else-they are in your view because it's you who can help them. Every time you do something good for someone else, tell them you'd like them to pass on the act of kindness in some way to someone else. 

For example, if you see someone struggling with their shopping, offer to lend a hand. When they accept, why not give them 2 kindness cards, one that they can use to pass the kindness on and one to keep to register the act of kindness they received on this blog. I'll shortly be uploading cards that you can print yourself to make passing on the act of kindness so much easier.

Spread the kindness lovely people and together we can make our communities a happy place to wake up every morning!

Send a smile through the mail

I went into the Marie Curie charity shop last week and bought some handmade cards to help raise funds for the charity. I then spent a very worthwhile couple of hours this evening personalising them and writing get well messages inside for children who need, more than anyone else, something to smile about! 

The children I've written to all have various health conditions that make them very poorly. They are registered on the site mentioned below: Postpals, and post information about themselves and their conditions in the hope that people will see it and want to write to them and cheer them up! What a great idea. I've read their profiles and have chosen little gifts to send with the cards that I hope will give them something to look forward to. I really hope that by reading this, you feel you'd like to join me in brightening the day of a child who'd love to hear from you!

It doesn't have to cost anything (there's no requirement to send gifts), there's no signing up and no hassle. 

Here's a quote from one of the children on the site: "Anna-Mae gets such enormous pleasure from receiving mail from all around the world; it’s difficult to put into words. She sees the people that sends mail as her friends, and because of this her confidence has grown. It has even opened a door for making friends at school, as she takes her mail into school to show her class so making an opening to talk about herself and her problems in a very positive way. Her confidence in herself and her abilities has also grown, as she loves to reply to the mail. (time allowing)"- Anne, Mum to Anna Mae C, aged 10, Charcot-Marie-Tooth 

So what are you waiting for? Read a story on the site, get in touch, brighten their day and sit back and relax and know that you're responsible for putting a smile on a sick child's face.

Post Pals - Post a Smile on a Sick Child's Face

Post Pals - Post a Smile on a Sick Child's Face

Take a look at this website and spread some loving kindness to children who are seriously ill. It was set up by a girl who is bedridden with M.E. and gives the public the opportunity to send cards, gifts and emails to very poorly children and brighten their day! Have a look at the site below and spend a few moments spreading the love!

Be Kind To Others...To Be Kind To Yourself

I've just read a fantastic article by Lucy Hunter in Spirit & Destiny magazine that really hit home. I'd like to share some of the key points with you on this blog since it's so relevant to the wave of kindness initiative.

There's lots of research showing that being kind to others is good for you. David R. Hamilton says, in his book, 'Why Kindness is Good For You' that 'kindness makes you happier...in fact, it can make us very happy indeed'. Studies in the US even show that depression can be improved by being kind to others.

Research done by author Allan Luks, 'The Healing Power of Doing Good' shows that people who help others suffer fewer bouts of colds and flu, fewer migraines, eat better and sleep better. Even the symptoms of asthma and lupus can be alleviated by helping others. 29% of helpers in the study even said they had more energy overall!

Psychiatrist Harold G. Koenig, author of 'Kindness And Joy' says, 'there's evidence that kindness creates changes in blood flow that could help lower blood pressure...being generous may also protect against stress hormones such as cortisol.'

Dasher Keltner, author of 'Born To Be Good' explains that the vagus nerve originates at the top of the spinal cord and some experts believe it reacts to kindness. The vagus nerve reduces our heart rate and new research shows it's closely connected to receptors for oxytocin, a neurotransmitter involved in trust, love, generosity and maternal bonding. People who have high vagus nerve activation in a resting state have been found in studies to be the most compassionate.'

People who volunteer get to help others and this research proves they get to help themselves to a better life in the process!